The last two years or so have been very stressful for me.  The combination of working multiple jobs that I absolutely hated, getting good grades at university with a full, impacted schedule, becoming a father, dealing with dissatisfaction over my physical shape, handling an addiction to an online video game, and trying to figure out who I am as a 30+ year old that to date hasn’t accomplished the things he’s wanted to, had me spiraling psychologically.  I’ve been in a lot of pain, and I masked it to just about everyone around me.  I’ve suffered bouts of considerable depression, I’ve uttered the phrase “I hate my life” more than once, and I’ve neglected things important to me in favor of video games or other unproductive endeavors.

Perhaps worst of all, and at the root of most of this, is the pressure I have been putting on myself through all of these things.  When five or six different people pretty much independent of each other tell you that you put too much pressure on yourself and you need to settle down the intensity some, it’s probably true.

I need to slow down.  Drink less coffee.  Appreciate more of what I have, and worry less about what I don’t have, or have accomplished.  Appreciate the great things around me; Sarah, Maxwell, my home, my family.  Sarah and I are lucky to have a simply incredible support system.  Her family and mine are both very supportive, helpful, and involved in our lives.  Maxwell has certainly brought us all closer together.

I had a terrible migraine on Monday.  So bad that I had to leave work after just a couple of hours.  I realized that it was probably related to stress and/or diet.   When I woke up, I started really analyzing my life.  The good things I have, the realities of the responsibilities I have (which really aren’t that bad) and just having a realistic view of the life I have, what I have accomplished, and what’s possible.

I came to the realization; It’s beautiful.  My life is really, really, really good.  Since Monday I’ve felt a calmness and a general level of happiness I haven’t experienced in a long time.  A couple of people at work yesterday remarked that I’ve been much less intense and frantic this week.  I explained that I feel like a guy on a bike in the mountains.  I had been climbing a huge peek, and I coasted down the back side.  The coasting was actually my stress over the last two years.  I needed to hit the flat ground and lose all my speed and start pedaling at a normal pace to regain a balanced, normal piece of mind.  I think I am finally back to that point.  Since Tuesday I’ve been pretty unplugged. Less Facebooking, less Twittering, no computer time after work.  Turning my phone off, just tuning out and focusing on what’s around me.   What’s around me, is what’s most important.

One of the things that I think I’ve unfortunately taken for granted is exactly how much patience Sarah has had for me over this difficult patch for me.  She is a Saint.  She’s really a pretty fantastic person.  How she has put up with me, I have no idea.  It’s a testament to how her parents raised her and the general disposition and life outlook she has.  It’s one of the things I love the most about her.  She’s just a really, really good person with a huge heart.  I hope our son takes a lot of her qualities.

Anyway, this post is sort of frantic and all over the place, and I have to go into the office a little early today.  The two major lessons I feel as though I’ve learned this week;

1) Relax.  Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

2) Life itself is still beautiful.

Have a great day, I will blog more about what I’m up to over the weekend!